How can I recover from my eating disorder in a disordered world???
Hey guys! It has been a second since I’ve posted a blog. Specifically, a little over 2 months. You may be wondering why I’ve been MIA, and to be honest, it’s because I didn’t feel like writing about eating disorder recovery. For the past 2 months, the eating disorder voice has been louder, and I’ve felt so ashamed because of that. I felt like I was going backward, and I convinced myself that I was spiraling even though my care team was telling me I was still doing amazing in recovery.
I guess I’m just in this weird place where I feel like I’m definitely not engaging in eating disorder behaviors anymore, but that eating disorder voice is still there, and it makes me ashamed. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever fully go away, but then I push away that thought because what does thinking that do? Of course, the eating disorder wants me to think it will never go away. It would love to stay around forever. But I won’t let it. And I’m sick of feeling ashamed for it being there when I didn’t choose for it to be.
So, now that that’s out of the way, I wanted to share my thoughts on how can we recover from an eating disorder in a disordered world? And when I say a disordered world, I mean a world where diet and fitness culture reign. A world that is weight-obsessed and weight loss-obsessed, where health means skinny and wellness means orthorexia.
First of all, we have to call BS!!
We have to stop believing the lies that diet and fitness culture tell us. We have to work on believing that we ARE good enough, regardless of how we look, how our body fluctuates, what we eat, or comments other people make. And this is HARD. I want to acknowledge that. It’s really hard. But it’s also really worth it. I always think about that quote, “I don’t want to be 80 years old and realize I missed out on my entire life because I was worried about food or my body.”
So, how are some ways we call BS on diet culture? I’m listing a few:
This is a given, but choose eating disorder recovery!! Get treatment, get a dietician, get a therapist, or if you don’t have these options, choose to pursue recovery on your own / with the support of family and friends.
Keep a therapist and dietician for as long as you need them! These regular sessions help so much.
Join support groups / surround yourself with support system that doesn’t talk about food and body.
Read books, watch podcasts, and follow people on social media who talk about anti-diet culture, body acceptance, and self-love. Check out my Instagram for recs :))
Practice mantras and affirmations every day.
Practice moving your body in a way that is supportive of your health, not harmful. This may mean taking a step away from exercise, or incorporating more diverse forms of movement.
Try to replace every negative thought about food / your body with a statement you know to be true.
For my Christian girlies, prayer and time spent in the Word is so important!
2. Keep doing the things that keep you grounded.
Okay, this may sound sort of vague, but listen. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I let some things slide before I went into my 2 month mental funk. I wasn’t being as kind to myself. I was body-checking a bit more than usual. I wasn’t consistently doing my morning prayer and Bible time with God. I was considering that my negative thoughts might actually be true. I was eating consistently and enough, but pushing off meal times a bit.
And that’s hard to admit. But the saying “give your eating disorder an inch, and it will take a mile” is true. And this applies to a lot more than the eating disorder. Give your negative thoughts an inch, and they will take a mile. Give your previous habits an inch, and they will easily take a mile.
So that said, if you find things that help you maintain your eating disorder recovery or mental health journey, STICK WITH THOSE THINGS! Don’t let them slide. (But also, we aren’t perfect so don’t be too hard on yourself if they slide every now and then. I’m talking big picture here!)
3. Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.
Finally, don’t look back. During your eating disorder, you probably engaged in a lot of diet culture behaviors that were praised by those around you. When you chose eating disorder recovery, you stopped doing these behaviors. And in eating disorder treatment, it’s really easy to feel like it’s right that you stopped them. You were praised for choosing eating disorder recovery, and it felt good.
But when you go back to the real world, it WILL disagree. The real world will tell you that you’re lazy for not working out, gross for eating less nutritious foods, and a failure for gaining weight. But you know what?
IT’S WRONG.
When these moments happen, I want you to remember what eating disorder recovery has given you. And what the eating disorder took away from you. Even when it’s hard, choose recovery. When every fiber of your being wants to look back, don’t. You’re not going that way.
I love you!
xx tori
Other blogs on diet culture & eating disorder recovery