Ways to cope with weight gain in eating disorder recovery
To be honest, weight gain is a really tough topic to talk about in eating disorder recovery. Especially because it’s just an unspoken, really uncomfortable thing that everyone recovering from a restrictive eating disorder goes through.
I think what scared me the most about weight gain was not just the idea of gaining weight itself, but also the fear of gaining weight forever and ever and it never ending, and also the feeling of not having control over my body and what it got to look like anymore.
Weight gain is not an atypical fear for people to have in general. At least for my generation, diet culture caused a fear of gaining weight and told us that a bigger body means that we aren’t worthy for some reason, which is really sad. Add on an eating disorder, and this fear of weight gain is blown even more out of proportion. The eating disorder makes it seem like gaining weight would literally be the end of the world. And that if we did gain weight, it would never stop.
The first thing we have to keep in mind when it comes to gaining weight is realizing that 1) everything diet culture told us was a lie and 2) everything that the eating disorder is telling us about weight is also a lie. Your weight does not define your worth. And gaining weight is not going to impact how those who care about you most view you. And, you won’t gain weight forever.
The second thing that I want you to keep in mind, and this may feel crazy when I say it, is that one day you will realize that gaining weight wasn’t that scary in the first place. It was just the eating disorder messing with your brain. Having now gotten to a weight restored place, I can tell you that I don’t fear gaining weight endlessly anymore and my body was never the issue. And that’s the whole point, it’s really not scary once you’ve gotten to the other side.
Realistically though, I’ve been in your shoes, so I know the idea of weight gain probably feels really uncomfortable and really scary and you really don’t want to do it. So, I’m going to provide some tips that you can hopefully use to navigate this tough time. Stay strong, I am so proud of you!
Tip #1: Make a list of all the reasons why you actually need to gain weight. I remember doing this with my dietitian when I was really struggling with the idea of weight gain. I specifically remember one meeting with her where she told me I had to gain weight, and I just didn’t believe her. I looked around me, and saw other people who seem to be healthy and look similar to what I did at the time, and so I figured if they could be that skinny, then I could do it too, but I was wrong. I had to get more weight on my body to have normal hormones, to get my period back, so that I wouldn’t be cold all the time, to fix my thyroid issues, to fix my gut issues, etc. My body was screaming at me that it needed to gain weight and for some reason my brain just wasn’t catching up. So, I encourage you to make a list of reasons in your phone or journal of why you also need to gain weight. A lot of these reasons may have to do with health at first, but they can also have to do with things like more freedom around food or flexibility, because weight gain gave me these too.
Tip #2: This may seem simple, but I encourage you to just stop looking in the mirror all the time. When you’re constantly obsessed with how your body looks and if it’s changed, you’re going to be more self-conscious and critical about your weight. But when you avoid the mirror, not out of self-loathing, but out of self-preservation, then you really start to create a relationship with yourself in your body that isn’t based on looks but based on how you feel and accepting your body for what it is.
Tip #3: This might also be obvious, but I would say wear comfy, loose-fitting clothes. Throughout all the time I was in treatment, I was kind of known as that girl who showed up in the baggy sweatshirt and baggy shorts. Usually I wore like a two-piece sweat set, and it was the middle of summer in Kansas so it was nearly 90 degrees every day, but I still showed up in those because that’s what made me comfortable. That’s what made me okay with the idea of weight gain. So, don’t force yourself to wear tight-fitting clothes or any of the clothes that you wore when you had a sick body. “Clothes are made for you. Not the other way around.” (I love whoever created this quote, by the way!)
Tip #4: Start building more body appreciation. I think one of the cool things about gaining weight and getting my health back was realizing that I was more in tune with my body instead of constantly fighting against it. My body and I were at war with one another during my eating disorder, but during recovery, I felt freer and more connected to my body by finally letting go of control and allowed it to take up space. We finally became friends again. Does this mean I was happy with my body all the time? No. But was I able to tune in more to the amazing things my body could do? Yes. Building body acceptance may look like…making a gratitude list of all the things that you’re grateful to your body for, stretching or yoga that allows you to connect to your body and really just feel where your body is in space, grounding techniques, etc. (Pro tip: always Google something when you need ideas.) Remind yourself that weight gain is not something negative that’s happening to you and instead is something you and your body are doing together to ensure that you’re living happily and healthily again.
Tip #5: Stop comparing. Stop following all those people on social media who make you feel bad about yourself. Stop looking at your body versus other peoples’ bodies. Especially if they’re also going through recovery. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy. I’ll say this over and over again because it’s true.
Tip #6: Do things that you really enjoy and that remind you that your weight does not define your worth. For me, this is reading my Bible, connecting with God and knowing that my worth comes from Him, and also going to coffee shops, spending time with friends, getting new books to read, spending time with my dog. etc. It’s truly doing things that help me realize my weight does not define me, and it’s not the end of the world if I do gain weight because I have so many things going for me.
Tip #7: Blind weigh. I will never know my weight again, and I’m perfectly happy with that. (I use the ClearStep blind weight scale.) I once had a therapist tell me that eating disorders feed on numbers, and I agree. What does knowing how much you way actually do for you? Nothing. My eating disorder used to feel so happy if the scale went down and miserable if it went up, and I would let my entire day be impacted by the outcome of the scale. The best thing I ever did was allow my doctors, care team, and dietician to use their professional skills to ensure I am at a healthy and happy place weight-wise, without me ever knowing my weight. Trust your care professionals!
Tip #8: Finally, be okay with how uncomfortable it’s all going to feel. I always say that “discomfort is growth,” and that’s because I told myself that same phrase over and over again when I was in recovery and having to gain weight. I was so uncomfortable in my body, and I hated the fact that I had to gain weight, but I knew that my discomfort was showing that I was growing away from my eating disorder and towards my authentic self. I think so many times we focus on weight gain as a bad thing, and we don’t realize that we’re actually growing, we’re learning, and we’re getting better. Weight gain is part of the process of healing. So, let’s stop telling ourselves it’s a negative thing and start reminding ourselves that it’s a good thing.
I hope this list of tips and thoughts helps you. I feel strongly about this topic because I think if I could just go back and tell myself one thing, it would be to choose recovery sooner. To not be terrified of gaining weight because the eating disorder is wrong - everything will be ok once you gain weight. Weight gain was part of what gave me my life back, and I’m grateful for it every day.
Sending you so much love,
xx tori